The Parish Yearbook

We've always been a funny family (and I don't mean "funny, ha ha").

In the nearly two decades we've been together, we've never had a family portrait taken.

Either we were too busy, too poor, too independent from with one another, or too enamored with our "unconventional" lifestyle to go and get one taken. In fact, there's no more than a handful of photos of the three of us together in existence. Period.

Enter the Parish Yearbook. This year is the Madeleine Cathedral's Centennial and, as part of the festivities, a parish yearbook is being published. With a lot less convincing than expected, my husband and son agreed to be included.

This morning, the three of us showed up at the Cathedral basement to have our first-ever family portraits taken. I'm not sure what I was expecting but we actually had fun. My oft grumpy son beamed. My husband took tender charge of the situation. And, the photos turned out surprisingly good. Our first family photos (framed and all) will arrive in the mail in three weeks. The parish yearbook will follow shortly thereafter. I can't wait. They are surely divinely inspired and I will cherish them always.

Ripples

It's been nine months since I returned to the Catholic Church. At that time, my immediate family had been distanced from faith for many years. So committed was I to rational secular belief that I had never taken my 21-year-old son to any kind of religious service.

Thus, my first Sundays at mass were spent alone. A couple of months later (and after much prodding) my son joined me at mass. A few months after that, the light of faith entered his world and he is now on his journey towards Christ.

Today, the first time ever, my husband joined my son and I at mass. A hard, logical man by nature, he was nonetheless moved by the sermon and scripture.

Quite unexpectedly, another first occurred: during our family dinner following mass, which included the company of my husband's brother, we shared a rich and sincere discussion of faith and purpose. It was the longest dinner we've ever had -- over 3 hours -- and the only one devoted to Christ and faith. In fact, the three men in my life are still discussing the virtues of works and service as I type.

The gratitude I feel to God for bringing us together is immense. A little part of me fears that if I enjoy this moment too much, it will be taken from me. Yet, I am hopeful for all of us that today's faith-filled evening is a marker of many more to come.

Tonights prayers will be filled with thanks.

When the sun shines upon you....

Originally published March 15, 2009

I had a bad year.

Actually, I had two bad years in a row, but it was this last one which shook my faith in humanity.

You see, before this year, I was a post-Catholic secular idealist — not the sappy Utopic-Save-The-Whales kind, but instead the type who prided herself on a cautiously optimistic, proof-based worldview. While acknowledging the troubles of our species, I nonetheless held steadfast in my belief that, if given the chance, altruism would trump self-centeredness; that reason would prevail over irrational action….that the “greater good” was an ideal held by almost everybody….

But like I said, I had a bad year and I don’t believe these things anymore….at least, not in the same way.

My story is a common one and begins in my darkest hour: facing the painful truths of human shortcomings (including my own), finding God and the Catholic Church, being awestruck by His Grace, and seeing the world no longer through a lens of “proofs” but instead with the heart of the faithful. The light began to shine upon my world.

But alas....my newly renewed faith was immediately tested by a common vice: human frailty....

The trials in my life continued unabated. Despite efforts to the contrary (prayer, communion, a small community of fellow believers, the support of an awesome priest), I buckled and my mood descended into bitterness and cynicism. I smiled less, trusted few, and indulged in self-pity and lack of forgiveness. (What a rotten start for a newly returned Catholic!)

Even after I departed the trial-ridden situation, the deep bitterness persisted. The effect was toxic. My world turned into "poor me" fest. Few wanted to be near me. I even started a blog detailing the betrayed ideals of my former self.....ignoring the damage done by spreading discontent.

Yet, yet….God stayed with me, and I with Him (though meekly, I must admit). Finally, after much prayer and reflection, a new optimism quietly emerged. Smiles returned and bitterness melted. Hope and duty re-entered my horizon.

Looking back, it was an actually an enlightened year. While my faith in the human race unraveled, the loss opened my mind and heart to a true and rich life — one anchored by faith and trust in our Lord. And it is only through Him, that we can become our best selves and begin to embrace a greater, lasting good.

Thanks be to God.